What To Do When Someone Refuses To Shake Your Hand

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We often encounter some pretty awkward experiences at work. And college definitely didn’t prepare us for handling everything that comes our way. So we decided to break them down and give you the advice you need to overcome them with ease. This is Awkward AF Work Situations.

The handshake is often seen as a sign of respect. It can really make a difference during an interview, regardless of whether you’re the interviewer or the interviewee. And customers may feel even more comfortable working with you after connecting via a handshake. It’s really just part of great business and interview etiquette.

But imagine extending your hand to someone, either in greeting or goodbye, only to have them blatantly refuse to take it. Talk about awkward. For Jessica*, an admissions counselor at a New Jersey college, this was a real-life situation that she never expected to encounter. Here’s what happened and how she handled it.

Try to understand why someone refused to shake your hand.

“An admitted student and his mother came into the admissions office, displeased with their financial aid package,” Jessica told Swirled. “While I could not help with the financial package (it is based on financial need and handled in a different office), I could discuss academic merit scholarships, which our office distributes. I explained to him the parameters [of academic merit scholarships] and that he fell short. Since the mother was already upset about their financial aid package, my response only worsened her mood.

“At the end of our brief conversation (mostly with the mother), the guests stood up to leave. I reached out to shake the student’s hand, congratulating him once again on his acceptance. When I reached for the mother’s hand, she stepped back in what I perceived as a look of disgust. I wished the son well and asked if he planned on joining us for Accepted Students Day, but his mom was quick to respond that they would not be attending and were done with our school.

“This was the first time that someone had refused a handshake out of anger and not religious belief. I was taken aback. So, I just pulled my hand back and continued on.”

As Jessica said, it’s not uncommon for people to refuse a handshake because of a religious or cultural belief, which leads us to our first tip.

If someone refuses to shake your hand, it may be because it goes against their religious or cultural beliefs. It’s nothing to be offended by. Instead, focus on the person’s body language. If their facial expression and posture indicate that they were happy with the encounter, then feel free to thank them and walk away with mutual respect.

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What you say can affect how someone acts.

“Before the mother left, she mentioned that, after feeling as though she was not getting help from anyone and overhearing our front desk person ‘make fun’ of a waitlisted applicant, she and her son would not be returning,” Jessica said. “The individual at the front desk — while I was speaking with the family — had made a comment about a waitlisted student paying a high-postage fee to send something priority mail that could have been faxed or emailed to us. The mother overheard this comment and was not pleased, especially since she perceived it as making fun of an applicant.

“After the mom and son left, I looked over to our staff member at the front desk who was surprised. I shared the story with my colleagues and directors, and they reacted the same way. Our director took the opportunity to remind us that when guests are present, we should be especially careful of what we say because we never know how someone else may perceive our words — even those words not directed toward them.”

In Jessica’s situation, the mother may have been even more inclined to deny the handshake because of what she overheard the front desk employee say prior to their meeting. Her director made a great point, which leads us to our second tip.

Be aware of your surroundings when speaking. Even if you’re not a part of a conversation taking place in the office, your words can reflect upon your colleague who is helping a customer, client or guest. If the person feels disrespected while in the space or doesn’t like the way business is being handled, they may refuse a handshake as a sign of this dissatisfaction.

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Take it all as a lesson learned.

At the end of the day, if one customer, client or guest refuses to shake your hand, it’s not the end of the world. Like Jessica, you can just move on after the encounter and take it as a lesson learned. Whether we agree with it or not, the age-old business motto, “The customer is always right,” can be helpful to keep in mind — especially when your boss is around — which leads us to our last tip.

Don’t let the refusal of a handshake jeopardize your job. Keep cool and continue on after the awkward encounter. Remember that your actions in the workplace are monitored by your boss. Think about how they would want you to handle the situation and respond in the way that will reflect best on them and the company. 

We never really know what the workday will throw our way. Whether it’s an awkward encounter with a customer, a sticky situation with a colleague or a difficult conversation with your director, there’s no one way to handle every experience. All we can do is our best so that we are learning from every experience every day.

*Source’s name has been changed for the purposes of privacy.

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