Here’s How To Know Whether To Give A Gift If You RSVP’d ‘No’

Unsplash/Annie Spratt

There’s a point in everyone’s “adult” journey when social obligations become kind of… serious. No longer are you worried about which party to hit up every Friday night, but rather how to juggle multiple weddings, baby showers, engagement parties and events that require sending back a physical RSVP. It’s likely you’ll need to decline an event at some point for whatever reason, but does saying no excuse you from sending a gift? Let’s be real — the line is blurred.

While all situations, relationships and feelings are different when it comes to this type of scenario, we’re here to give you some pointers that will help you make that final decision. To gift or not to gift? Herein lies your answer.

When You Should

You’re close enough to the person to feel awful for missing the event in the first place. If your RSVP also came with a bunch of “I’m so sorry”s, sad faces and feelings of FOMO, your heart is clearly in this person, and in their life events. Send ’em a gift.

You’re family (and no, not third cousins-type family). This includes non-blood-related family, too! Anyone who feels like they’re a part of your inner circle should probably get something from you.

You were late on RSVP’ing “no.” Even if you’re not close to the person and never planned to attend the event, a late RSVP is kind of a big deal (and bad form at that). Mop up that mess with a pres.

The reason you’re declining is the cost of travel or accommodation, and you can spare the extra cash for a gift. Missing an event because you just don’t have the dough to fly or stay there is really sad. Fill the hole in your heart by making it up to the person with a solid gift.

Unsplash/Element5 Digital

When You Shouldn’t

You’re not close and you’re not even family. Not feeling the love with this particular person and have no weird familial obligations? Not sending them a gift wouldn’t raise any red flags, in our opinion.

You can count on one hand (or less) how many times you’ve had any meaningful exchanges with this person. Maybe you say you’re close (enter invite to said event) and were close in the past, but the substance of your closeness is… scarce. It’s okay to have love for someone without feeling that connection. Again, if the feeling is mutual, this person probably won’t even notice that you didn’t send them a gift.

You physically cannot afford a gift for this person. Not being able to afford to go is bad enough, but not having the money for a gift is even more mortifying. If you’re in this spot with a family member, ask your parents to split a gift with you. If the person isn’t a family member or if you feel like adding your name on with your mom’s is too embarrassing, consider making a gift for less. Or, you know, maybe you can’t afford the gift and you don’t want to give one. In that case, don’t.

You wouldn’t invite this person to your events in the future. Not even thinking about this person when it comes to your own events? Sadly, it probably means that you both just aren’t into each other enough to make a big to-do about each other’s life milestones. It’s fine. Don’t pretend otherwise.

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