Dear Starbucks Fans, You’ve Crossed The Line
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@ritchiesltd
We would be straight up lying if we said we weren’t excited when Starbucks came out with its limited-time unicorn frappuccino. The colors are awesome and we loved having them dominate our Insta feed. We’ve heard the frapp is difficult to make, but we were pumped when they hit the menu.
It wasn’t long after the short life of the unicorn frapp that we spotted unicorn lemonade all over the internet. All was well until that point. That’s in part because, while pretty, the frapp version got pretty bad reviews. Not surprisingly, the same was true for the lemonade. How did prettiness become such a thing that no one cared about taste?
So now we’re baffled by all sorts of new colorful Starbucks drinks popping up on the radar — like narwhal, mermaid and dragon frappuccinos. WTF?
Meet the dragon frapp… Are you serious?
And the mermaid frapp… Are you #%@#&%# kidding?!
Whyyyyyy?
Though they boast some intriguing flavor combos with ingredients like matcha powder, toasted coconut and dehydrated berries, we’re not buying into this trend any longer. To the baristas and fans who made this trend happen: you have gone too far, friends.
We love creativity, but it’s time to put an end to these insane colored drinks. If you’re baffled as to why we feel this way, here are three (of many) reasons why you should reconsider your stance:
Reason 1: They are said to taste like total shit.
Reviews like this one, this one and this one are among the slew of negative feedback in response to the taste of the unicorn frapp. It’s been described as “sour birthday cake” and said to have a lingering flavor so bad that “the only way to get rid of it [is] by brushing [your] teeth.” Who wants to drink the “most bitter thing” someone’s ever tried? It’s just a hunch, but we’re guessing the other colorful drinks aren’t good, either.
Reason 2: Buying drinks to Instagram them is pointless when everyone else is posting the same thing.
Is it really worth it to shell out $6 for a drink just to show your followers on Insta you’ve tried it? Plus, you aren’t special. Everyone and their mother has gotten their hands on one of these, so the cool factor is gone.
Reason 3: Just be a nice person, okay?
Your barista has feelings too, and don’t you want to be a good customer? Baristas apparently dread making the five-minute unicorn drink when there are 10 people in line behind you. Keep it simple. What’s the point of inconveniencing everyone around you for an overrated Instagram trend? Plus, if you ever want that extra pump in your daily mocha, you’ll want to get on your barista’s good side. That’s not going to happen by ordering the most complicated, annoying drink possible.
If you’re still not convinced, we’re not sure what else we can say. We hope you eventually see the light, and until then, we hope you’re not ahead of us in the Starbucks line.
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